People around me have always wondered my need for solitude. At some point during the length of time that they have known me, they got used to the idea of me going off on my own, finding a place where my thoughts will not be disturbed.
I am a person that needs time alone, even if it’s just to think about the most mundane of things like what book I’m going to read next, what country I’m going to visit this year, or which restaurant I’m going to have lunch at. In between thoughts of reading, traveling, and eating, my mind recedes into a world of my creation. Where high elves, aliens, vampires, and other magical beings are not just mere imagination. For one thing, I am already in the deepest recesses of my mind and for another, I often feel like this is the world that I should be living in–my reality as opposed to the one wherein my physical body lies.
I always find myself in a coffee shop with a table all to myself, nursing a cup of coffee or a bottle of juice. I automatically put on my earphones and play music to block out the noise. The moment that I tune in is also the moment that I tune out. On the outside, I look as close to normal as the next person; sipping my drink, checking my mobile phone, and smoking a cigarette. In truth, I am nowhere near that table nor am I anywhere on this planet. I could feel my muscles reacting to whatever’s happening in my mind. My thighs contracting as I see myself run through a dark forest, away from some ominous creature that’s sending chills down my spine. I could feel my skin pimpling with electricity if the tempo of the song I am listening to matches the right moment that I jump off a high cliff, only to unfurl my wings and soar towards the bluest of skies. I could feel my heart beating faster as I dance and laugh with Marie Antoinette’s courtiers, and as I steal glances at the handsome gentleman who chose to drink his wine on the side of the dance floor.
People around me may have always wondered my need for a Psychiatrist.
From my perspective, it is the lost souls that do not dare venture out of the physicality of their lives that need one, not I.