Daily Prompt: Unravel ( The rest of me 残りの私)

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My bones are brittle and I know they will break if I continue moving so carelessly. My heart is just as fragile; it will crack against my rib cage if I fall unwittingly. But what use are my bones and my heart when my mind has long been crushed along the walls of my skull; nothing but bloody pulp sloshing and splashing around. It’s funny how the world sees me as whole human being when, in reality, I am not even a quarter of the person I once thought I was.

I thought; but I never was and I never will be. I am just a mere anomaly, walking amongst the living when I should be with the dead.

My bones are brittle and my heart is just as fragile; yet I dance and love like they can withstand the strongest blows and highest falls. I want to hear the snap and crack of my bones as I pirouette. I want to see the bruising of my heart after I squeeze it betwixt my very own fingers. For there is peace in seeing my own person break down; if I am going to bleed, it will be at my own hands.

If I could, I would peel my skin off; slowly. Oh-so-torturously-slow. I would let my blood pool at my feet and let it stain. Then I would shred my raw muscles and leave them on the floor for the rodents to pick at. I would pull out my organs and throw them against the walls or out the windows for I no longer have any need of them.

I would leave my heart and my bones intact; with my mush of a brain, ebbing and flowing against the remainder of my sanity.

Just how brittle and fragile are my bones and my heart without the rest of me?

Unravel

Letter for Seok-jin (석진에게 보내는 편지)

Dearest Seok-jin,
I hope this letter finds you well.
There’s more to a group’s dynamics than harmonization and synchronization. Roles that require a member’s efforts to be in the shadows. Though this may be the case, it doesn’t make that member’s role any less important. Sometimes, these roles are key to a group’s success.

I always believe that for others to shine so brightly, someone has to dim down their own. When you’re the oldest, you either take the lead or take a step back. One thing remains the same though, you will always be that one central force that everyone will gravitate to. And remember, you will NEVER be the BLACK HOLE that sucks their lights out and leaves them lifeless.
You are the CORE that serves as their foundation and steadies their journey.
Own it.
Relish in it.
Soldier on.
Sincerely,
RageNiikura (11.30.2016)

Daily Prompt: Miniature (I am not 私はないです)

Doll

I have more than enough of you in my head. Too much for me to handle and too many for me to count.

I think it’s absurd that you have managed to, and that I let you, sink into every pore on my body that I could almost smell you. Your smiles haunt me and I don’t think I hear myself whenever I laugh. It scares me that I hear you but I don’t see myself complaining anytime soon. Your style has wormed its way into my day-to-day and I find myself liking trinkets that I would not buy before. I don’t think I will look like you though; you’re far too beautiful.

How much more of myself will I give to you willingly? Even if unwanted.

Is anything on me or about me mine at all–or is  my entirety made up from parts of you that I have stolen?

 

Miniature

 

*Photo: Pixabay

Daily Prompt: Vision

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People around me have always wondered my need for solitude. At some point during the length of time that they have known me, they got used to the idea of me going off on my own, finding a place where my thoughts will not be disturbed.

I am a person that needs time alone, even if it’s just to think about the most mundane of things like what book I’m going to read next, what country I’m going to visit this year, or which restaurant I’m going to have lunch at. In between thoughts of reading, traveling, and eating, my mind recedes into a world of my creation. Where high elves, aliens, vampires, and other magical beings are not just mere imagination. For one thing, I am already in the deepest recesses of my mind and for another, I often feel like this is the world that I should be living in–my reality as opposed to the one wherein my physical body lies.

I always find myself in a coffee shop with a table all to myself, nursing a cup of coffee or a bottle of juice. I automatically put on my earphones and play music to block out the noise. The moment that I tune in is also the moment that I tune out. On the outside, I look as close to normal as the next person; sipping my drink, checking my mobile phone, and smoking a cigarette. In truth, I am nowhere near that table nor am I anywhere on this planet. I could feel my muscles reacting to whatever’s happening in my mind. My thighs contracting as I see myself run through a dark forest, away from some ominous creature that’s sending chills down my spine. I could feel my skin pimpling with electricity if the tempo of the song I am listening to matches the right moment that I jump off a high cliff, only to unfurl my wings and soar towards the bluest of skies. I could feel my heart beating faster as I dance and laugh with Marie Antoinette’s courtiers, and as I steal glances at the handsome gentleman who chose to drink his wine on the side of the dance floor.

People around me may have always wondered my need for a Psychiatrist.

From my perspective, it is the lost souls that do not dare venture out of the physicality of their lives that need one, not I.

 

Vision

*Photo: Pixabay